Domestic violence is right but domestic love is not? Flip side of our esteemed culture

I met one of my neighbors yesterday. She got married a few years back, 6 years to be more precise. Now she is blessed with two kids aged 5 and 3 years respectively. Husband, although not highly educated but runs his own business of supply of packed water in weddings thereby earning well. Sort of an easy peasy and a simple man. On the first instance, this family looks like a simple, happy family but sadly it was not the case. Yesterday I heard some strange noises coming from their house. The lady in question was crying and yelling for help. I immediately ran towards their house and to my surprise I found her Cracker Barrel husband assaulting her in front of her kids.

He was shivering in anger and mercilessly slapping her and pushing her. His face has darkened in fury so much that it seems like he will kill her. And even after sensing my presence there he did not stop rather carried on thrashing her. His mother was standing nonchalantly watching all this horseshit happening. I had to call my brother and other neighbors for help and then only they were able to take hold of him.

It was a real surprise, more of a shock for me since I always considered them as this small happy family and I could never imagine this simple as a dove man bashing up his wife so badly.

Domestic Violence in India

   Source: Google

Nevertheless, This incident reminded me of an earlier incident from this couple’s then happy newly married phase. She told me then that although her husband is very loving and caring but his conduct changes in front of his family and he keeps a distance from me and acts all formal. In fact, he doesn’t talk to her much and avoids even sitting with her on the same sofa or bed. Initially, she found this very strange that how this man who is all lovey-dovey inside the boundaries of her room turns into an alien of sorts to her in front of his family. I suggested her to confront her husband regarding the same. On prodding for reasons she got to know that he feels uncomfortable in talking and getting cozy to her in front of his family since he has always been like a child to them and that he gets intimidated by the fact that what would they think that ” Haww! It is just recently that he got married and he is already so close to his wife? “Also our values connote us not show such Public display of Affection, even to one’s own wife. The lady being an agreeable person didn’t mind much and thought love is important, not PDA. She was happy as long as her husband was affectionate and caring for her even behind closed doors.

And this is not only her story but a majority of Indian women experience the same after marriage. Forget about getting cozy, it is termed as a sort of a shamelessness even talking to your wife about showing concern for her in front of family or elders. Going into your room early could get you touted as a desperate or even worse “Joru ka Ghulam”. Many times their son is being scolded for being so keen on going inside their bedrooms. Objections are being raised even on a legally wedded couple going out for a romantic outing or a holiday. Daughter in laws are being asked to keep their voices down at night and what not. I have seen many instances where the wives sit on the back seat of the car whereas mother in laws sits on the front seat with their beloved son. Not that there is anything wrong in this but I feel it would be better to give her this option of sitting with her husband at least. Imagine if this is the situation of most married couples how the unmarried one would be surviving this ordeal.

I mean come on folks don’t you know that he is married to this woman and that they are husband and wife? You do realize that he sleeps every day with this very same lady. When she reaps you a grandson just after nine months of marriage, Don’t you know how this take place? And you expect them to maintain a well to do the distance in front of others. Pinnacles of hypocrisy.

Let’s come back to the story now. In the following event, the same man who couldn’t even sit with her own wife initially out of so-called sheepishness didn’t feel uncomfortable while beating the shit out of her in front of his family and neighbors? Later on, I came to know that he thrashes her every now and then. At times slapping her, pushing her or bending her hand. Wow! Another specimen of prevalent Hippocracy in our country. In India, men are brainwashed to surmise that showing love and affection towards your wife will make you a weak-kneed husband whereas raising your hand on to her makes you more of a man or if not so then also it is not that much of a fault. Otherwise how come a man who termed sitting together with his wife as defiance to the values finds beating her right? He has the guts to assault his wife in front of whole society but not enough say-so to love her?

We are the judge and we are the culprits too. 

Kundan Srivastava

Human Rights activist, Author, Columnist, Founder-CEO '' (“India’s leading platform to raise a voice for people to fight against injustice & victimization”).

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2 Responses

  1. champak goswami says:

    its shocking…..hurt me and mu consciences to. seen this scene of our sin while maha saptomi going on, worship of woman ,festival of power are going.the great durga puja……this shame is our own.our society, our country should be apologized.let keep our agony with this woman and do something.dont be silent,it may comes to your own daughter,sister cousins too.lets want apology ,kneedown to this woman, i am eager to know what did you do after.

    • Hello Champak, I reprimanded her husband and warned him not to do the same. But Alas! People rarely change so he still beats her every now and then. We had to call police even one time. Still, that lady doesn’t want to leave her husband. In spite of all the requests to leave her husband she is scared to leave her husband for the sake of her kids since her paternal side family also doesn’t supports her.

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